lately

I don't want to be a pessimist. But I like to be a realist.

As I get closer to having this baby, there is a lot to think about. There is so much unknown, I don't even know what to expect. You'd think I'd feel more at ease the second time around. But, at least I was in peaceful oblivion last time. Naive to what being a mom really would be! I thought it was all about the everyday mom stuff. Feeding, no sleep, diapers, etc etc. And it is. But I think I can do that. It's all the stuff OUT of my control: i.e. personality!

I'm not so nervous to have Nixon I think. I'm nervous to have Nixon AND Max.

The past week or two have been a roller coaster in so many ways in our lives.

If I don't go into pre-term labor it might be a miracle!

I find myself thinking Nixon has got to be easier than Max. Right? People tell me he will be. I shouldn't expect that though, start feeling deserving. I have to tell myself I can handle it.

Max is wonderful, I love him. But I don't have a clue how to be his mom really.

I don't know how he's wired. Not like me.

I think having these boys must be a big part of life's test for me. Wow, how am I handling it!!??

I'm so grateful to have my life, my blessings. And we are so blessed.

I hope beyond hope that Max will love Nixon, know he's his brother.

Everyone is so surprised Max is almost four. Yea, I know. We're trying.

That said, I'm super excited to have Nixon join us soon. I'm so happy to be Max's mom, I tell him that a lot. There are so, so many things he does that no one else hardly sees that makes him who he is. That makes me so grateful he's part of our family. That melts my heart or makes me proud or makes me realize how much he's growing.

So, lately, this is a little of what's going on:

My Dad's bday party. He was in England yesterday (his real bday) so we celebrated early. Max thought it was HIS birthday for a little bit and really wanted to open a present that was polar express. When I tell him it's still February, he doesn't look very happy.

We went to the Train Expo. The line to ride Thomas was two hours long. So no Thomas. I don't know how any of those kids waited that long! There was some neat stuff, but all in all, Max had enough in less than an hour. I thought he would be enthralled. Of course, he's always surprising me. Silly guy.

I helped in Max's Valentine's school party. He acknowledged my presence this time! Wahoo. I'm so glad he has his school.

Dixie was awarded teacher of the year! Congrats. We are proud of her. And lucky to have great family.